Health and beauty experts are now encouraging wealthy people with ugly physical features and low self-esteem to opt for brain reduction surgery instead of cosmetic procedures.
Everyone has at least one undesirable trait, and many people have several. That’s why wealthy, self-loathing Americans pump billions of dollars into cosmetic surgery every year.
But health and beauty experts now suggest an alternative treatment for ugliness: Lobotomies.
“Cosmetic surgery is a very superficial answer to a deep, neuropsychological problem,” said Dr. Sandra Jefferson, a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins University Hospital, citing that most people look worse after getting a facelift.
This nuanced theory stems from the ancient idea that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. According to Dr. Jefferson, nobody is negatively affected by exposure to an ugly face more than the person who is wearing it.
In fact, “having ugly friends usually makes us feel better about ourselves, but people are too vain to realize that so they get plastic surgery in a frivolous attempt to please their peers.”
Dr. Jefferson is collaborating with smart people from around the globe to establish the world’s first-ever neurocosmetics department.
“Nobody gets just one cosmetic procedure. They may come in initially just hating their nose, but they don’t stop hating their face so they come back in a month later for a facelift. A lobotomy is definitely the most efficient way to stop hating your body,” said Dr. Jared Smarther, a cosmetic surgeon from Dallas, Texas.
All the experts we spoke to recommend getting a lobotomy before wasting time and money on superfluous surgical procedures.
What are you waiting for? Get a lobotomy and you’ll instantly be smarter and prettier.