Right-Wing Organization Attempts To Teach Compassion To Liberals


Liberal residents of the Washington, DC area have been receiving invitations to “Compassion Class,” a weekly workshop hosted by a group of Trump supporters. These workshops “aim to make liberals more understanding of people who are uneducated and irrational while white.”

However, many of the liberals who received these invitations have interpreted the workshops as an attack on morality. “They just want to brainwash us and make us as stupid and inhumane as they are. I mean, what are they going to do? Teach us how to f*** our 12-year-old cousin? God, these people are so backwards,” said a man wearing his t-shirt inside-out.

Samantha, a young woman who lives with her parents in the DC suburbs said, “What? They want to teach us how to be empathetic? That is craziness! They’re going to tell us we need to be compassionate and then tell us that political correctness and gender studies are ruining the”- (Samantha suddenly clutched her purse and walked away when she noticed two young black men on their lunch break walking in our direction).

According to Kenneth Myers, the leader of the workshop, the classes will help liberals gain a better understanding of the modern-day conservative thought process. “The fact that many [Trump supporters] ignore facts and hate the concept of equality doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and it doesn’t make us racist or sexist, either.”

“You see,” said Myers, “[liberals] need to understand that many [white men] will lose power if we create equality. We need them to understand that we don’t want to be deplorable, but our circumstances have made us see things in a different way. Our needs  – our hopes, our dreams, our lack thereof – are all valid. We just want liberals to understand that we want to cling on to our equality just as much as they want the homosexuals and women and non-whites to be equal.”

Kenneth Myers says he hopes to expand the classes to reach other left-leaning American cities. So far, no liberals have attended any of the three compassion classes held in the capital. But Kenneth Myers isn’t letting this bother him: “It’s okay, them not showing up just means I don’t have to be stuck in a room with a bunch of sissies.”

Author: The Pulp Press

Pithy reportage with no basis

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