DID YOU KNOW? Severed Hairs Suffer From Severe Separation Anxiety

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The next time you prepare for a hot date, think again before you remove your body hair: According to new research, your body hairs experience extreme sadness when you send them down the drain.

In a recent study, scientists observed the emotional reaction of body hairs after they being severed from the body. The results show that hairs do indeed experience emotional trauma after their removal.

“When you take [hairs] off your body, they have a lot of time to fester in your drain or floor or wherever,” said Doctor Friedrich Bosch, a Psychoanalyst at the Center For Keratin Studies and Psychoanalysis in Berlin. “Once your hairs are gone, you may very well forget about them, but that doesn’t mean that they forget about you. In fact, they spend years thinking about how much they miss you, wondering why they weren’t good enough for you,” Dr. Bosch told us.

With the help of several colleagues, Dr. Bosch has formed a coalition to increase global awareness of the trauma we subject our hairs to when we yank or shave them off our body. “Hairs are very clingy,” said Dr. Bosch. “When we remove them, they interpret it as a palpable message of disrespect and rejection.”

But there is some good news; the hairs’ despair doesn’t last for very long. Since hairs are so clingy, they will find a new host in no time, and many hairs make a traditional pilgrimage to mingle with dishes in the kitchen sink.

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