6th January 2018:
Monetary Milestone Reached!
The Pulp Press is pleased to announce that we have made our first $0.05 from advertisements. If we keep going at this rate, we’ll make a whopping $0.60 from advertising by 2018.
Keep up the good work!
The Pulp Press
7th February 2018:
Introducing: The Pulp Press
Welcome to The Pulp Press! You’re probably here because you are searching for enlightenment. Look no further! We are tapping into modern-day news demands so that you can look and feel smarter and sexier.
“The Pulp Press has helped me land more sex, money, and power, and I’ve been able to cling on to my last gram of dignity in the process.” – Travis Kalanick
What’s in store?
The Pulp Press focuses on a wide array of bullshit in the context of society and culture.
Curious about what’s to come? Here are some hints:
Thought Vomit & Wonder Chunder
Are you stuck in a rut? Are you looking for some inspirational content to make you feel better about yourself? Stop looking.
All thoughts are relevant, and we will feed yours with contemplative quotes and anecdotes until you get profound cerebral nausea.
Whether you are genuinely unlovable or really just depressed, our thought vomit posts will inspire you to stay that way and bring your friends down with you.
Lessons from Life
Every person squeezes juice into their eye at some point in their life. We tell ourselves it will never happen again, but that’s not always the case.
The Pulp Press curates and reveals the best of such humiliating and demeaning moments so that you don’t have to experience them for yourself. All you need to do is sit back, relax, and enjoy being a voyeur.
By staying up-to-date with our lessons from life – whether you are a lost, free, or boring spirit – you will undoubtedly stumble upon new, trivial wisdom to apply to your everyday life.
The Pulp Press wouldn’t produce such pithy content if it weren’t for our labyrinth of a grapevine that winds in and out of the mainstream. We’ve got all the stories you want to read regarding your favorite (or least favorite) public (and private) figures.
Most of our gossip stories are based on facts; you can decide for yourself whether you like them enough to reference them the next time you find yourself in a cyber debate.
Do you still need evidence that Mike Pence is gay? Stay tuned! We’ll hand it over to you on a silver platter.
Health & Beauty
At The Pulp Press, we take health and beauty very seriously. We want you to be healthy, but more importantly, we want you to be beautiful. Having ugly readers would be one of the worst things ever.
But don’t fret! You will become beautiful (and healthy) just by reading our health and beauty articles.
We review the most important health and beauty products and techniques – from douches and yoga to DIY nose jobs and medication – just so you can become more attractive (and healthy).
Excited? You should be! Your life is about to change for the better, and so is ours!
That’s Not All!
We want to keep you up-to-date with current events, scientific breakthroughs, and more!
Our writers are scouring the globe to get you your daily dose of indigestible pith. From new discoveries in the animal kingdom to instructions on how to care for your houseflies – soon, you will find that we are the best publication to take with you to the bathroom.
Just give us a follow on social media. Our username is @pithyreportage on Twitter and Instagram.
And don’t forget…
Help Us Help You
At The Pulp Press, we’re always looking for new ways to help people.
Help us help you. If you want to write a story or share a pulpy idea with us, please feel free to contact us! Just keep in mind that at this time, we are no different from all the other free-loading bloggers who refuse to pay their writers.
If that’s fine with you, it’s certainly fine with us! Just fill out the contact form below, and we’ll get back to you if we like your idea.