DID YOU KNOW? Manterrupters Suffer From Neuro-Evolutionary Retardation!


Women around the world are saying “I told you so” as men who never listened to them finally confirm that a form of neuro-evolutionary retardation causes men to unwittingly ignore and interrupt women.

Doctors are referring to the impediment as “hypophrenic impotence,” which is defined as the inability to acknowledge and, in some cases, notice a woman’s presence in a mixed gender social situation. The condition is specific to men of every race, age group and religious background and dates as far back as word of mouth.

But it wasn’t until recently that experts confirmed this unappealing behavior as a neurophysiological trait rather than a mere rumor told by women.

John Doe, a hypophrenic realtor

You have undoubtedly encountered impotent hypophrenics in a bar, a restaurant, or any other type of social hub.

Conversation ensues as the table fills with men and women. John Doe, our long-suffering man, will strike up a conversation with Jane. He asks what her job is and if she is single and her response of “Lawyer and happily engaged” triggers the poor man’s condition. (John is seeking casual fun, so this is not what he wants to hear).

Jane’s lack of use to him triggers a hypophrenic reaction making him instantly blind to her existence. As soon as the word “lawyer” exits her mouth, he loses the ability to hear what she says and will begin to talk over her or start a conversation with the man sitting nearest to her.

Despite Jane being the primary source of income in her relationship, when they say their goodbyes John will pat her on the small of her back and tell her to ensure ‘he takes good care of you, sweetheart.’

Hypophrenic brain
Experts were surprised to discover that the frontal lobes of impotent hypophrenics hold a strong physical resemblance to a dense serving of mashed potatoes with gravy.

Initial research into the condition revealed that hypophrenic impotence is a symptom of evolutionary stagnancy in the frontal lobe. As a result, situations such as the one just described send the ignarus mentula part of the prefrontal cortex into overdrive. In the case of sufferers of this condition, the brain only recognizes people who can potentially fulfill a Neanderthal role to fill in the subjects’ life.

You see, impotent hypophrenics interpret women as a biological necessity filling the role of food supplier, sexual conquest, and source of admiration. Once a woman removes herself from any of these functions by expressing self-sufficiency or by being intellectually challenging, sexually unavailable or simply “not food,” the ignarus mentula blocks her out. And, if the subject has a particularly keen amygdala, he may even perceive her as a threat.

We now know that impotent hypophrenia is hereditary, and the onset is generally reported as coinciding with the start of puberty. The deformity is passed down by fathers who are unable to see their female partners as anything more than a service to themselves and their house to bring forth sons with a similar outlook.

Doctors initially recommended cognitive behavioral therapy but later found this method to be ineffective because most CBT providers are women. However, now that men are becoming more aware of the condition, a cure might not be so far away.

If you suspect that you or a loved one may be suffering from hypophrenic impotence, find out if you are eligible to participate in medical research by calling your nearest healthcare provider.

Jesus Christ Has Officially Been Diagnosed With Schizophrenia

Jesus holds a schizophrenic brain in his hands.

After several years of research, Jesus Christ of Nazareth has officially been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Historians followed their gut when they noticed that Jesus portrayed characteristics of “messiah complex.” Following this lead, it was soon “inarguably evident, beyond reasonable doubt” that Jesus was suffering from extreme hallucinations which resulted in erratic behavior just before his death.

“These findings are a game-changer,” said Dr. Peter Roth, a forensic psychologist. “Now, we know that Jesus was enduring hell before he was crucified. To him, it must have been very real but, back then, people didn’t know as much about mental illness as we do now. That’s why he was crucified.”

Indeed, if the people of the Roman Empire had been more aware of mental illnesses, it is unlikely that Jesus would have been crucified or taken seriously. “He would have been sectioned, for sure,” said Dr. Roth.

However, historians and Bible nuts alike say this finding doesn’t mean Christians should stop taking The Bible seriously; if you are concerned that you or anyone you know is suffering from schizophrenia, experts recommend reading The Bible to see if your thoughts resemble the words of Jesus.

Crazed Jesus
Historians have updated the image they had originally boasted as the most accurate depiction of Jesus Christ to include a crazed look in his eyes.
%d bloggers like this: