Should You Be Offended If A Dog Doesn’t Sniff Your Crotch? Experts Say “Duh” – Here’s How You Can Redeem Yourself

Should You Be Offended If A Dog Doesn't Sniff Your Crotch? Experts say 'Duh.'

Oh, doggies! They are our best friends; we love them, and they love us, too. With that said, things can get a bit awkward sometimes, especially when it comes to the tradition of crotch-sniffing (or lack thereof).

Lots of humans don’t realize this, but when a dog walks away from an opportunity to sniff your crotch, that’s their way of telling you that you’re super boring down there. And even fewer humans realize that dogs are actually trying to ostracize you when they don’t smell your crotch.

We reached out to dog-whispering veterinarian Dr. Klein to find out just how offended you should be if a dog doesn’t sniff your crotch, and her answer was honestly pretty brutal. But luckily, she also gave us some really great advice so you never have to be offended by a dog ignoring your crotch scent again!

“It’s basically the canine way of saying, ‘You really need to spice things up a bit down there.'”

According to dog-whispering veterinarian Dr. Klein, crotch-sniffing is a very important cultural custom for our canine pals. “When a dog sniffs your crotch, they are essentially scoping you out to see if your nethers smell interesting enough to be of use to them and their social circle,” She tells us. “When a dog doesn’t sniff your crotch – well, it’s basically the canine way of saying, ‘You really need to spice things up down there.'” Dr. Klein adds.

So, should you feel offended if a dog doesn’t sniff your crotch? The answer is brutal but simple: “Duh,” says Dr. Klein.

What can you do about it?

Fortunately, there are several ways to make your nether region smell more interesting, and dogs have really sensitive noses, so it doesn’t require a lot of effort. And it’s totally possible to make your crotch smell more interesting without spending any money, so that’s a plus!

1. Wear the same pair of unwashed underwear whenever you know you’ll see a dog

According to Dr. Klein, this is the most simple piece of advice to follow. “Just have that one pair of underwear that you only wear if you think you’ll encounter a dog, and never wash it.” The smell of your crotch will become more and more appealing each time you put them on.

2. Rub a juicy steak all over your groin

One way to make your crotch smell more interesting is to rub a juicy steak on your groin for about 15 to 20 minutes every day.

3. Stop using toilet paper

Okay, so your anus might get really itchy, but dogs adore the smell of shit, so it’s worth it. You might lose a few human friends, but at least every dog will be intrigued by you.

Most importantly, be confident in who you are

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Whether or not you try out Dr. Klein’s advice, one thing is certain: You need to be confident in yourself. A dog might think your crotch is boring, but that doesn’t mean that you are boring. In fact, you are probably really cool, and that dog doesn’t need to feel the same way for it to be true.

This Instagram Cat Just Sold A Vintage Homemade Hairball Keychain For $3,000

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New York, NY – In a stroke of creative genius, Instagram cat Oscar “du Fluff” Harris managed to make a key ring from his crusty, aged hairballs and sell it for $3,000. It is now being used as a posh accessory to a Hermes bag.

When Oscar “du Fluff” Harris (@Oscar_duFluff) set up his Etsy account in late-January, he had no idea that his vintage hairball auction would bring in such revenue.

Hairball Pom Pom
The pompom is now attached to a Hermes bag.

Originally listed as $3.50, the hairball’s price increased nearly one hundred times in just seven days.

Oscar’s spokesperson told The Pulp Press that the resourceful feline had been storing the hairball for several years but had no idea the auction would be this successful.

“Oscar expected to make some money from his blog and social media sponsorships, but the success of this Etsy auction has been phenomenal.”

Now, Oscar can afford the luxurious lifestyle he loves living. “Oscar is an incredibly tenacious experience junky. Now, he can afford those hunting trips and catnip sessions without worrying about going into debt or becoming a criminal,” said Kitty Harris, Oscar’s owner.

Oscar’s next goal is to build an ottoman out of his coughed-up fluff, and he hopes the ottoman will reach 137 times the size of the keyring. The ottoman should be available by August this year, so start saving your money!