7 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is 100% Hubby Material

Okay, let’s be honest. The world is crawling with so many guys that it’s almost impossible to distinguish the keepers from the duds. You can try finding the right guy through trial and error, or you can read about how to find the best partner by looking it up online, but you only have so much free time in your busy schedule!!

Luckily, I’ve dated/had sex with almost every grown man on earth, so I can literally speak for anyone who might be reading!!

So, ladies, here is what you should be looking for in your man (Gentlemen, take note!):

1. When you’re feeling nauseous, he holds your hair and encourages you to vomit on him and not in the toilet

pexels-photo-206544.jpeg

If he wants to be drenched in your essence and comfort you at the same time, he’s definitely a keeper.

2. He’s super attracted to your pheromones even though you literally just shoved a dead rat up your vagina

download

Okay, maybe it was a dead mouse, but whatever. If you have a dead animal up your snatch and he still says he’s attracted to you, hang on to him, he’s got to be a good catch!

3. He tells you you’re beautiful even though your makeup sucks and you’re wearing that hideous pair of sweatpants that his super hot ex-girlfriend left behind when she dumped him

normalmash

Okay, so his ex may have left a few too many broken pieces for you to glue back together, but at least he doesn’t admit that they looked better on her, right?

4. Whenever you’re apart, he doesn’t just send you pictures of his own penis, but of all of his friends’ dicks as well.

pexels-photo-407237.jpeg

If your boyfriend is going to be your future hubby, he should already be sending you a minimum of five dick pics per day and only one of them should be of his penis, which is just enough to make sure you don’t forget how much he cares about you.

5. He makes sure his foreskin is cut (or not cut) just the way you like it.

Circumcision_illustration

If he’s got a foreskin but you prefer it sans, he should immediately conduct a search for the nearest scalpel (or medical professional).

If he’s uncircumcised, no problem; if your guy really is a keeper, he’ll gladly perform a skin graft on himself. Hopefully, he keeps a spare foreskin stashed in his sock drawer with his needle and thread.

Extra points:
  • He lets you hold the scalpel

6. You don’t need to take birth control because his sperm count is abnormally low.

Semen_030.jpg

Extra points:
  • He’s a genius chemist and he injects a homemade contraceptive serum into his thigh every night before he goes to bed.

7. He might be more in love with your period than with you

7 Signs Your Boyfriend Is A Real Man And Husband Material

He loves your period so much that he begs you to let him insert your tampons for you.

Extra points:
  • His favorite brand is O.B., but when push comes to shove he’s still better at using a cardboard applicator than you are!
Advertisements

This Woman Built A Second Home In Her Living Room 100% Out Of Amazon Boxes – The Results Are Amazing

Tired of Amazon boxes turning her minimalist lifestyle into an absolute cluster fuck, Sadie Jacobs turned them into a second home in her living room. The results prove that it’s totally possible to live the minimalist dream, even if your house is littered with packaging. You can take a mini-tour of her new pad in the slideshow at the bottom of the page. 

It often seems as though 21st Century minimalism is nothing more than an unattainable fantasy. You read all those blogs that make reduction seem so easy, but those people clearly have more time on their hands than you do. On the one hand, it’s great that companies like Amazon make it so easy to fit your excessive shopping needs into your busy schedule. On the other hand, when you do purchase all the necessary furniture, coffee table books, house plants, etcetera, you just end up with a junkyard of packaging in your living room.

Sadie Jacobs knew this pain all too well. “It got so bad that the recycling people just stopped coming by my house,” said Sadie, a recently-converted minimalist slash outside-the-box thinker. Luckily, Sadie came up with a more creative (and simple) idea than any she had seen on Pinterest. “I just decided, ‘hey, you know what? I’m just gonna make the most out of this mess and build a second minimalist home in my living room.'”

Her new home-within-a-home doesn’t have any plumbing or electricity, but that’s fine. “It’s really just so relieving to be able to escape from all of the complexities that exist outside of my Amazon boxes. It’s changed my life. I can’t recommend it enough!”

This slideshow requires JavaScript.