Single Hairs Get Ready To Mingle With Wet Dishes In The Kitchen Sink

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The Sink, Kitchen – A group of single hairs is making its way to the kitchen sink with hopes of wrapping themselves over and around various wet dishes, sponges, and, of course, each other – anyone they can cling to is a catch to fallen hairs.

There is a tacit understanding among the hair community that the kitchen sink is the best destination for new singles; in itself, the actual voyage to the kitchen is considered to be a traditional pilgrimage that can take up to several months to complete. And many hairs get lost along the way.

“If you’re lucky, you’ll fall out of your host’s head while they’re standing over the sink,” said one strand who fell onto a dirty dish in the dining room.”It’s all about falling out in the right place at the right time. I got pretty lucky,” the hair continued, “I just had to sit in that dirty bowl and wait to be taken to the sink. But my host is pretty messy, so it took like two weeks.”

Once they make it to the basin, the hairs get to mingle with wet and dirty dishes, sponges, and even the human hands that spend a great deal of time and energy trying to catch and dispose of the elusive hairs.

It’s very uncommon for hairs to go down the drain once they have made it to the basin. Their survival rate is so exceptional because they have mastered the art of clinginess. If a hair is long enough, it can be accommodated by several wet dishes at once, making it nearly impossible to pull the lovers away from each other.

It’s no secret that hairs experience separation anxiety once removed from their host. And now, we know that this applies even if the hairs fell out naturally. According to several sources, the separation trauma might explain the hairs’ tendency toward serial monogamy.

Impressionable Young Man Follows Dismissive-Avoidant Woman Off A Cliff

When a group of three couples planned a weekend getaway in the mountains, they made an altruistic yet fateful gesture of inviting a 7th and 8th wheel: Judy Pascal and Johnny Manori.

“Judy was my best friend, and she had been single for way too long,” said Sarah Hicks, the organizer of the trip. “She said she didn’t want a relationship and that she loved being independent, but I knew she was lying so I blackmailed her into coming.” Johnny was friends with the boys. They invited Johnny because they knew he would stop hanging out with them if he had a girlfriend.”

According to Ms. Hicks, the trip started out on a good note. “All of us couples were having a great time, and I thought [Judy and Johnny] were having a swell time too. Judy kept sprinting up ahead of us and smiling Johnny would waste no time to catch up with her. It looked like love at first sight.”catcalling2

Indeed, it appeared as though Judy and Johnny had a real connection. Johnny was already adopting her mannerisms, and he had a seemingly pre-existing passion for all of her interests. But hindsight is 20/20, and it is now clear that Judy was trying to escape from conversing with Johnny, who took it upon himself to stand guard when she relieved herself behind a tree within the first hour of knowing her.

“Once we set up our campsite on the cliff, Judy said she wanted to kill herself and take Johnny with her,” recalled Ms. Hicks.

Soon after, witnesses say that Judy lit a cigarette and walked towards the edge of a cliff to look at the beautiful foggy view by herself. “She just wanted some alone time,” said one witness.

But, within seconds, Johnny came to join her. “I could see her swelling with anger from really far away. She would do anything to get away from him, and he just kept following her, so that’s how they both died.”

5 Things To Know Before Falling In Love With An ISIS Freedom Fighter

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I spent a year backpacking in Europe and Asia, so I’m no stranger to dating people from different backgrounds. In fact, I thought I was an expert until I fell in love with an ISIS freedom fighter and realized just how much I didn’t know about the men in this world.

I’ve compiled a list of the five biggest lessons I learned when I fell in love with an Islamist militant so that you don’t have to learn the hard way.

1. The people who call you crazy don’t understand your situation. 

Your haters don’t know what they’re talking about because they are comfortable living mundane lives; all they know about ISIS is what they see on the news. You, on the other hand, are an adventurer, and you prefer to learn about the world first-hand. Your boring friends can judge you all they want, but they will never understand your motives until they find themselves in a similar position. And they’re probably too boring to ever be in your position. Just ignore them and keep being yourself, and remind your haters that your ISIS freedom fighter isn’t as dangerously competent as the media has cracked him up to be.

2. Ignorance is bliss.

If you’re in love with an ISIS freedom fighter, try to stay as ignorant as possible. Trust me, you don’t want to know about all the children and families he’s murdered, raped, and displaced. Just don’t ask and fingers crossed that he won’t tell you.

3. You can’t un-wash his brain.

You can take the man out of terrorism but you can’t take the terrorist out of the man. If you’re not into apocalyptic ideology, then you should probably find yourself another boyfriend. ISIS freedom fighters will never prioritize your relationship over world domination. In fact, he will probably never love you because he’s too busy working on that “higher purpose.”

4. You are nothing compared to the 72 virgins he gets to have sex with in heaven.

Don’t even try to compete with the 72 virgins. Those 72 virgins make your freedom fighter tick – literally. Just the thought of getting blown by 72 virgins is what motivated my guy to try blowing up a train station. In the end, he just blew himself up, and to this day, I still know nothing of his post-mortem sexcapades.

5. He’s not actually that great.

I know, you’re with a badass new guy whose intelligence and passion proceeds him. But remember, he’s a flawed human being, just like everyone else. You may feel that you can count on him for protection, that he’s someone you can depend on to plow a bus through all your haters, but really, he’s likely so incompetent that he will only kill himself during his long-awaited attack. You might think that he’s really smart, efficient, and sophisticated, but he’s not. He’s just a regular dude who happens to be indoctrinated with a very dangerous ideology.